Download: I always felt like an orphan
Dad drunk too much. As far back as I can remember there were always quarrels and clamor in our home. I was 13 when I took a knife and threated to cut myself if they did not stop fighting. I had a dream. I wanted to become a nurse. After school I move to another town to get an education. I was far away from home, from quarrels, I even started to make friends. For the first time in my life I began to feel myself happy. Few months later my father called me back and announced that I had to quit my education as he had no money for it and that I didn’t need a profession. All my dreams were broken…
My parents divorced and I stayed with my father. Why? I felt pity for him. Once he was about to marry me to an unknown man for a bottle of vodka. I always felt like an orphan, lonely orphan.
The marriage was an act of escape from home, from Dad. My husband was 15 years older than me. I was his second wife and I kept on blaming his ex-wife for leaving him… I felt pity for him. I sought support from him that I always needed. But instead of getting protection and safety I dangered myself. Few months after our marriage the violence began. Coming home drunk at night he started to accuse me of cheating on him and hit me in the face, in the head and kept on beating me. He forced me have a baby as soon as possible. During my pregnancy the violence didn’t stop. My son was born premature. We spent two months in the hospital. As soon as we came back home the violence restarted.
Once he thrust a knife into my leg. Blooded I ran out from the house and spent night in the forest. Another time he carved his initial on my back with the same knife. Third time he sheared my hair with the same unblest knife. I was so much done with life; I ran away with my baby.
Now my son’s life is in danger. The child doesn’t grow. The reason is the preterm birth and problems caused by violence during my pregnancy. Again I feel like an orphan, lonely orphan. But I don’t give up; I’m young, I have a lot of dreams. My past was dark as a night, but I do believe God has sent me all these sufferings to make me stronger. I do believe that everything will be fine.
Elen, 19 years old